This is an advice column for the masses. Ask Uncle Roman your questions about life. Our mysterious uncle helps to solve your dilemmas. Sorry if he gets a bit grumpy.
Q: My wife treats me like a child and she often embarrasses me in public. She never lets me do what I want to do. What should I do?
Signed, Atticus.
A: Turn in your man card immediately and meet me in the town square at noon tomorrow. Bring your wife with you. There, I will personally ask that you and your wife be executed. You, for being a pathetic, miserable little girl, and your wife for using black magic. She is obviously a witch as she produces more testosterone than you do.
Q: My friend just sold me a castrated horse and a blind hen for fifty bronze. What do you think?
Signed, Augustus.
A: I think you should ask for your money back.
Q: I Challunge U to a dool tomarrow. My sord is the besst. Due u axcept?
Signed, Blasius A.K.A, To kool for skool.
A: Only if there is a spelling section of the challenge.
Q: All my husband does is take advantage of me. He doesn't care about me and I no longer enjoy his company. He only wants me for cooking, housework, and sex. I feel trapped. What should I do?
Signed, Camilla.
A: Well, what else are you there for? People like you are the reason misogyny exists.
Q: Soldiers and gladiators are trained to get off of their horses exceptionally quick. Is there any scenario in civilian life where you'd have to get off a horse just as fast?
Signed, Lucius.
A: No, there is not. Unless you're sharing the horse with my uncle Brutus, the man who used to consume an idiotic amount of prunes.
Signed, Atticus.
A: Turn in your man card immediately and meet me in the town square at noon tomorrow. Bring your wife with you. There, I will personally ask that you and your wife be executed. You, for being a pathetic, miserable little girl, and your wife for using black magic. She is obviously a witch as she produces more testosterone than you do.
Q: My friend just sold me a castrated horse and a blind hen for fifty bronze. What do you think?
Signed, Augustus.
A: I think you should ask for your money back.
Q: I Challunge U to a dool tomarrow. My sord is the besst. Due u axcept?
Signed, Blasius A.K.A, To kool for skool.
A: Only if there is a spelling section of the challenge.
Q: All my husband does is take advantage of me. He doesn't care about me and I no longer enjoy his company. He only wants me for cooking, housework, and sex. I feel trapped. What should I do?
Signed, Camilla.
A: Well, what else are you there for? People like you are the reason misogyny exists.
Q: Soldiers and gladiators are trained to get off of their horses exceptionally quick. Is there any scenario in civilian life where you'd have to get off a horse just as fast?
Signed, Lucius.
A: No, there is not. Unless you're sharing the horse with my uncle Brutus, the man who used to consume an idiotic amount of prunes.